And So Begin the Goodbyes

People always get a bit misty-eyed about Ends of Eras. Well, I might hate goodbyes more than I hate surprises, which is why I’m really glad I found out about the surprise goodbye party that Nice Hedge Fund is having for me tomorrow. That would have been a double-whammy of JackieOh awkwardness. See, goodbyes generally require hugging and everyone knows I only hug when drunk so unless they’re serving booze with that ice cream cake at 3:30PM in the conference room, don’t expect any weepy embraces from me.

Now I’m sure as shit not going to send out the obligatory Goodbye, Thanks for All the Great Work, and Here is my Contact Info Email before I clear out my collection of chapstick from my desk drawer and turn in my ID badge tomorrow. But if I were to send one, it would go something like this:

To: ALL
From: JackieOh
Subject: A Fond Farewell

Dear Nice Hedge Fund Co-workers,

It has been a pleasure working with some of you. I learned so much during my thirteen months here, mainly related to getting the most out of my $15 daily lunch allowance and which bathrooms were stocked with the best brand of tampons to steal. I have greatly enjoyed my time here, especially the times that involved make-your-own ice cream sundaes in the pantry, and I’ll always cherish the hazy memories of how embarrassingly drunk we all got at Easy’s holiday party.

Here is my personal contact information so we can pretend to keep in touch. But really, if we’re not already Facebook friends or gchat buddies, don’t expect to ever hear from me again.

All the best,
JackieOh