Must Love Dogs

Recently I confessed my undying love for my newly-acquired, Admin-sanctioned space heater. I intend to blast that sucker until the office manager agrees to set the thermostat above 55 degrees and I don’t see that happening any time soon. But just when I thought my fate was sealed and I’d forever more wear a scarlet A when asked to present my résumé, I remembered another way in which I am not Your Typical Admin. Besides, you know, the whole getting into grad school and quitting in a matter of months thing.

Admins, on the whole, LOVE dogs. They all have stupid little yippie dogs with names like Daphne and Princess and Coco and they speak about them as if they were children. “She’s usually so high-energy but we took her to the park last night and she slept so well through the night!” They forward oh-so-effing-adorable pictures around the office of their puppy wearing a ridiculous outfit (cue the obligatory girl-pitched “AWWWW!!” reaction) and somehow relish retelling the story of how their precious fluffy wuffikins ate their best leather jacket – what a little trouble maker!

I do not like dogs, especially not little yippie ones who have to be carried everywhere and cost more than a month’s rent. The only dogs I have ever liked have been golden retrievers owned by friends and I knew them from puppies. And I’m not very good at faking that “awwww” refrain – I must have skipped that lecture of How to be a Chick 101. The professor probably also covered How Not to Look Like Crap Every Day at Work in that lecture, and I’m destined to fail that section of the midterm at the rate I’m going. Anyway. Dogs for me are like tattoos – I kind of like the idea of them, but having one puts you in a distinct category of people, they’re expensive, and I’m not all that good with commitment. I’ve never had any pet for that matter – even BrotherOh and SisterOh had fish at some point in our childhood, but not me. It’s tempting to blame my romantic blunders on this severe void of animal companionship in my upbringing…but let’s not kid ourselves, my cold, cold heart of stone is the more likely culprit. Instead, owning a dog becomes akin to marriage for me – it’s something that I might have in the future, but I can’t imagine it as a real possibility in my current state/city/apartment/lifestyle.

Where was I? Oh right. I don’t like dogs, but most Admins do. Most Admins also do their hair, wear makeup, and generally look like they at least give a shit about their pointless jobs. Easy just called me from one floor down and asked me to bring him a box of pens. Because surely there are no pens on the trading floor. It's tough to motivate myself to get dolled up for that kind of riveting stimulus.

Two hours until quitting time and then L (of Former Roommate fame) will be here for the weekend! Team Free Pie reunion! But I’m less than thrilled about the reunion including the third (ex-boyfriend) member of the team as it will most likely take EVERY OUNCE of my patience not to smack him at least once tonight. I better start drinking heavily.