The next stop along the Year of Yes national tour will be…LASIK! Hooray, no more glasses or contacts! I’ll be able to wake up and see perfectly!
You know, so long as there isn’t some freak surgical accident and I end up going blind.
Gulp.
I went to my pre-screening exam yesterday, and the surgery is scheduled for March 10. That's so soon! I’m a perfect candidate, and there’s a 98% chance that I’ll have better than 20/20 vision. So the nurse poked, prodded, and dilated my pupils until I was blind and squinty, then gave me all the important paperwork to read and sign. Brilliant! I probably handed over my first born son and a pound of flesh to the doctor but wheee they’re going to shoot lasers into my eyes!
Or maybe there WILL be a freak surgical accident and the laser power will get trapped in my cornea, allowing me to shoot laser beams from my eyeballs at my enemies! How badass would that be?
Nice Hedge Fund pays for most of the surgery so as nervous as I am, it’s really a no-brainer. And they give patients a teddy bear to clutch during the ten-minute procedure, so that should be enough to take my mind off my pried-open eyelids, A Clockwork Orange style. I can’t wait!
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