Holidays Schmolidays

Ah, holiday season in the office. Every afternoon the mail guy makes his round and delivers a bevy of DHL and FedEx packages for the Easys. On Friday it was a set of ugly pens that weigh approximately ten pounds each and a food basket. Today, Easy received an iPod shuffle (I totally considered pocketing that sucker), a Zagat’s guide, a book about Spanish wines that he’ll never read, and one very peculiar packet accompanied by a note:

Dear [Easy],

Enclosed please find our holiday gift: a mesh bag.

WARNING: DO NOT USE WITH LIQUIDS.

Pencils are fine, however.

All the best,

[Redacted]

Um, wtf? We’re not talking just any mesh bag. It was a mesh bag with a smaller mesh bag inside it, with an even smaller mesh bag inside of that. Three mesh bags! And good thing that warning was there, because for a second I considered pouring my Perrier into it and saving it for later! Let’s re-imagine this letter:

Dear [Moron Clients],

Enclosed please find our thoughtless/lame holiday gift: a mesh bag. Yes, I’ve already fired the idiot who thought this was a good idea. Did you get an iPod too? That would have been a better idea.

WARNING: DO NOT USE WITH LIQUIDS. THEY’RE MESH, NOT ZIPLOCK, DUMBASS.

Pencils are fine, however. And mascara, a little rouge, and some powder for your nose, you saucy minx. We know what you do on weekends.

All the worst,

[Redacted]

Only 7 shopping days left until Christmas!