The Maybe Barfight

I do stupid things with alarming regularity, but last night really tipped the crazy scale.

For the past week, Coach G, R and I have been recruiting cool people from running class to join us for our Thursday night no-shower happy hour. Last night we pulled it together, and nine sweaty runners made our way over to the same lingerie-strewn Upper West Side bar where Coach G purchased the “mystery pitcher.”

I’m not sure I can go back there anymore, which is a real shame because they play great music and fifty cent beers is a perfect price tag.

I may have been forcibly ejected from the bar by a burly bouncer. Because I may have started a fight with a whore who needed to pull her skirt up about four more inches and get her vajayjay out of R’s face when he was taking his pool shot. And she maybe threw a beer in my face and I maybe started swinging until the bouncer tackled me and dragged me out a side exit, still yelling obscenities at her. Maybe I used words that are not appropriate for polite society, and maybe my friends had to pull me away so I didn’t go after her outside. And also, I may have been drunk. Just a tiny bit. Maybe.

R’s take on the whole debacle was pretty classic: “Next time, just say something to me if you’re getting pissed off, but that was totally HOT. You were AWESOME.”

Today, sobered (mostly), I feel an odd mix of badass and foolish. Clearly, she had it coming, and being doused with fifty cents worth of beer catapulted me from “back off my man” to “bitch, it’s on now!” in half a second. But since when am I confrontational? Or violent, for that matter? I’m a total wuss! Apparently cheap beer for dinner invokes my bizarre, territorial, inner prize fighter. Weird.

So yeah. It was a great night from start to finish. And now I’m eating a cheeseburger for lunch, because I figure I earned it.

I came in to the office today solely for the free lunch. I strolled in around 9:30AM, and JDate gave me the go-ahead to leave early (“I wouldn’t tell anyone if you left now!”) so I’m cutting out as soon as I’m done digesting. For all the bitching I do about being bored at Nice Hedge Fund, there are some definite advantages to working a mindless job with zero responsibilities.

Happy weekend!