I’m a Capricorn through and through: stubborn, pragmatic, goal-oriented and loyal. Capricorn even governs the knees and bones, making us goat-fish susceptible to fractures and strains. Crazy, right? I know, horoscopes are so vague they can apply to anything, but mine can be remarkably accurate. And also, I don’t do anything at work so I run out of things to read during the day. Whatever.
This was my horoscope from this past week:
A misguided swan became infatuated with a pedal boat at a pond in Hamburg, Germany. Apparently mistaking it for his soul mate, the devoted bird guarded the boat jealously and rarely left its side. The human owner of the boat found it amusing at first, but later regarded it as a nuisance, since the enamored swan chased away all potential renters of the vehicle. I propose to make this poignant creature your anti-role model in the coming weeks, Capricorn. May he inspire you to free yourself of all delusions you have entertained over the years about the kind of intimate ally you need in order to be happy.
Well, shit. This takes the ugly duckling story one step further – now the grown-up swan is falling for all the wrong boats. Not that I’m the swan or anything. With my luck, the boat would probably already have a girlfriend anyway.
I’ve been feeling uncharacteristically emotional lately. Blame it on the birth control. So tonight I did what any girl would do: made myself a stack of pancakes and watched the Phillies’ 10,000th loss. Then I actually CRIED during the ESPY Awards. Seriously, Emotions, what the hell? Get back in your bottle where you belong.
Sidebar: Is it football season yet? I’m counting down the days until Sundays at Town Tavern with J&A. I can almost taste the $2 Yuenglings. Or maybe that’s just the remainders from last night’s fun.
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I realized, the other month, when I was discussing my Philly-phandom with a bunch of Sox fans (who are remarkably catholic as long as you don't say anything positive about the Yanqis) that the Phillies have had one good season in my lifetime (having been born too late for the 1980 WS). That's pretty depressing, yes, but also goes to show how they'd have 10,000 losses.
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